Gaming

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus Is Boring

Originally, I was writing a piece to hype up the latest Wolfenstein game: Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus. However, on release, this game was just so pointlessly boring and agenda-driven that I couldn’t help but scrap that and put this piece together. Like, seriously, how do you mess up the tried and true formula of killing Nazi’s?

The answer to that, of course, is that it’s released by Bethesda; and Bethesda always finds a way. Like seriously, I don’t understand how a developer is able to crank out two great Wolfenstein games and then drop this steaming pile of crap on its fans. I honestly don’t get it. But what I do get is that this game is bad. Very bad.

So the game opens up right, and unlike Wolfenstein: The New Order where you’re flying in a blaze of glory to kill some Nazi’s and the game hypes itself up even more from that point onwards, the game opens with a cutscene of previous Nazi killing glory. I don’t understand why this was included, because you want to play the game at this point, you want the narrative to be setup, but instead, you’re forced to sit through narrative that you’ve already been through.

This design decision seemed, well, boring. Especially considering later you get an interactive session choosing parts of your timeline. They could have just put something more in that portion to tell the story that was. I would have opened the game with the gameplay portion a fair bit after this, but there is still more to talk about before when I would have chosen where to start the game.

So the first time you’re actually given any control over the game is during a deep and really unfun moment of reliving BJ’s child abuse. From a narrative standpoint, these scenes ultimately are pointless and they’re even less relevant to the enjoyment of the game. If you find being a kid that’s being traumatised by your parents fun, I’m sorry to tell you that you have mental issues.

I strongly postulate that this opening scene is a setup to make the equivalence that middle-class white Americans are literally Nazi’s, and this is because no more than 20mins of actual gameplay (not including cutscenes or interactive cutscenes) later, you’re brought face to face with an incredibly similar scenario by Nazi’s. If the point was to show BJ’s tortured past, they could have done it any other way. But instead, we’re forced through forced Communist propaganda, forced -boring- commie propaganda.

There are shooting sections sparsely placed between the cutscenes, but they’re pretty bland and boring. I don’t know how they messed up the most integral component of the game, but they somehow did. It shouldn’t even be possible to mess this up. All they had to do was apply the level design and enemy placement philosphy of the first two games and it’d be fine. But no, instead, they place enemies in really cheap positions in really uninspired levels. I mean, the first level is cool, you’re a wheelchair bound dude rolling and killing invading Nazis. But still, it’s not that exciting. And then from there it’s boats and then a nuked version of New York.

I actually stopped playing in the New York area. If I wanted to play Fallout, I’d have played Fallout. Not only that, the level design was just so bad. It’s like someone said “Craters! Craters are fun! Oh yeah! Let’s make all the enemies the same colour as the rubble!”

This isn’t fun Bethesda. Nor is it good level design. The topography was just terrible. The enemy placement wasn’t challenging, it was broken. I could accept if it was a Dark Souls-esque thing where you’re supposed to learn enemy placement, but considering how the previous two by Machine Games had this pretty well balanced, I doubt this is the case. In fact, it feels like it was just phoned in to make the game more difficult artificially. Which is boring.

Pretty much, I just completely dropped the game at this point. If I haven’t enjoyed a game at around 2hrs in, I’m not going to enjoy the rest of it. It’s such a shame too, because The New Order and The New Blood were absolutely amazing games and were some of the best experiences that I’ve had with FPS games in a very long time. If The New Colossus was even half as entertaining, I’d be playing it right now. Instead, I’ve gone back to playing gindy MMORPGs and the new remake of a Single Player Game that simulates an MMORPG (poorly). Yes, I’d rather play games that are designed to be boring, rather than this piece of crap.

Do not buy if you value your time and money. Learn from my mistakes. Buy The New order and The New Blood; and then forget about the rest of the franchise after that. There was more that I wanted to say, but, I don’t want to waste any more of anyone’s time with this rubbish game.

Benjamin Webb

Gaming and anime reporting mostly.
  • SpaceJanitor

    Hmmm a nothing site bitches about a game countless gamers and other sites rave about.

    Click bait much?

    • YuriFan

      If a big name website like IGN wrote the same thing, you would still be bitching.

    • Dee Warner

      Space Janitor, just wanted to assure you that the site is genuine. We’re not a clickbait platform. The contributors are freelance and we share our own opinions.

      If you’re a gamer with a penchant for review then why not join us ? It’d be good to get some contrasting reviews from avid gamers. You’d certainly help old ladies who are struggling to pick the right prezzies for their adult children.

      Have a think and if you’re interested head over to https://mcxv.com/contribute/

  • Amith Thomas

    You played it for just two hours…

    • Michael Smith

      So did I and I came to the same opinion. But I pushed through and I don’t regret it. The game is just as great as most reviewers are saying.

  • Kevin Lehning

    Thia writer is a schmuck. You’re the first reviewer to say that compared to the pro reviewers. Try playing it longer. 🙄 It’s all positives by everyone else. Go back to playing My Pretty Pony.

  • oo7PorscheMGS

    *Something* tells me this kid has an issue with the game showing the REALITY of life… there ARE abusive “white americans”, the game isn’t saying that ALL white americans are abusive / nazi-like. Learn how to differentiate meaning and intent, before you start crying and talking 100% P U R E T R A S H about a game because you’re against what it is trying to say. Sorry to put it so blunty, but you sound like a Trump supporter who is da.mn but.thurt about the game’s tagline MAKE AMERICA NAZI FREE AGAIN. Nothing more to say to this trash “review”. This should never have been approved on n4g. Nobody needs to see this brainless+butthurt kind of “review” by someone who takes offense to Nazi’s and 1 white abusive father. Get the F over it, some people are bad people. You’re living in a pathetic denial. Pathetic review, if I were your boss I’d fire you right now, no bs.

  • White Heat

    WHAT is this ? A game critic that dares to speak the TRUTH at last ?!

  • Dee Warner

    This is an interesting review, and an interesting commentary below. Santa was looking to pop this under our tree for my 20 year old son. I’m a little bit torn now.

    Bejamin, the commentary contributors suggest that extended play time invites a change of heart. Have you played the game any further since you wrote your review ?