The Premier League Preview: A Whole Lot of "Sure, That's Cool"

The Premier League opening game is kicking back up into high gear, on an engine fueled by oligarchical fat stacks. It all starts later today with the opening match being Arsenal vs. Leicester City (or Also-Ran Mk. I vs. Also-Ran Mk. II, if you’re a Twitter troll). But once it’s all said and done in May, who will be the winners, who will be the losers, and who will be kicked out to the curb by January? Time to find out, using the combined methodologies of experts, betting houses and your drunk uncle at Christmas dinner.

The First Question: Who Will Be The Champions? Sure, asking this question is a risky thing, considering Leicester’s miracle run from two years back. However, the consistent opinion of the experts is that this season is Manchester City‘s to lose. And who could blame them? Pep Guardiola and his crew just had some tough breaks last season and had made their changes accordingly. As Thierry Henry pointed out to the Mirror, they were more or less the low-key English winners in the transfer window. Pep learned from the mistakes from last year, and now he has the objectively best squad for a major title run.

Now, Who Will Be In The Top Four? This may be a little tricky this time around, so take this prediction with a grain of salt. The only really major locks are Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur, even as the latter is temporarily located to Wembley Stadium. The money so far has been on Manchester United, mainly because most of them have been drinking the Jose Kool-Aid. There is a possibility that Arsenal could finish in their old spot, considering that Arsene Wenger wants his old reputation back. But it is equally likely Liverpool could take it, despite their transfer melodrama with Coutinho.

And the question for those with a sense of schhhhhhaden-*freude*, Who Will Be Relegated At The End? Well, the first spot is obvious, as Huddersford barely managed to get promoted. There is also the distinct possibility that the recently-promoted Brighton could suffer the same reversal of fortune. But what about the third spot, considering Newcastle may have learned their lessons? Well, it seems like Burnley might just get the third spot, considering that they are just a weak team overall.

So, what do you think?

David Baker

David Baker

David Baker is a freelance writer and editor, with a major passion for movies and the other pillars of popular culture. As such, he knows bad writing when he sees it.