We were inspired by utter boredom and frustration with our dating lives to do something that we have never done. In fact, we’ve strongly advocated for singles to NOT do this unspeakable thing. What’s this that we speak of? On rainy spring night curled up on the couch with literally zero guy drama or date options to discuss, we downloaded Bumble.
Feeling gross and turned off already as we clicked “download” on our phones, we trooped on. We were honestly shocked at how quickly we could just swipe left for seemingly hundreds of guys at a time. The sad thing is, that some of those guys probably weren’t THAT bad, but their photos completely did not do them justice at all. These guys seemed to be trying too hard and putting up some some kind of front that probably isn’t even close to who they really are, but who they think girls want them to be. We think the girls would prefer the guy as he is, no fronts, no BS.
To all of those great and cute guys out there on Bumble, if you think your profile might be a turn off and you don’t even know it, we are here to help. So what can a guy do to avoid the fateful instant “swipe left”?
- STOP with the close up selfie. The girl is just seeing you for the first time, she doesn’t need to be introduced to you via a photo that is so close up it appears as though your face is crawling through her screen trying to lay on a big wet one. It’s just too much too soon.
- No costume photos. Sure, you think it shows your humorous side to have a photo of you dressed as “Left Shark” among your profile pictures, but odds are the girl will find it pretty immature and actually NOT funny. She is trying to figure out what you look like and what you’re about, this isn’t really helpful. You only have a few photos to show your best, so focus on that.
- Whats with the blurry photos? We get it that most guys aren’t gifted photographers, and definitely can’t filter as good as any girl, but COME ON. At least pick a photo that is actually somewhat digitally clear.
- Don’t write your height in your description. If you’re under 6 feet, it narrows the amount of girls that are interested in you significantly (sorry shorter guys, we still love you!). If you’re over 6 feet it just seems awkward and like you’re overcompensating for something. We hope girls don’t put their bra size or waist size on their profiles, so maybe try to not share this information.
- The awkward posed photos: Where do we begin with all of the awkwardly posed photos we saw on there? Guys looking out on a beach, holding a glass of wine, with a golden doodle puppy under their arm? COME ON. Girls are going to see right through this shit. Just pick a few normal photos of you and your friends. In the dating app world normal= good. Normal photos will actually set you apart from the rest of the pack.
- If you don’t have kids, don’t have them in your profile pictures. Kids are a HARD deal breaker for a lot of girls, so you wouldn’t want to get written off for having them if you really don’t. Sure, most girls like a guy who likes children, but you can tell her that later if you match.
- NO CAR PHOTOS. Doesn’t matter if you drive a Tesla or an renovated old Bronco. Girls really don’t care that much about cars, so she’ll just see this as superficial. Plus, do you really want to date a girl who is only interested in you because you bragged about your car? What kind of girl would that be? Good luck with that relationship!
- Do NOT say you’re looking to hook up: Does this really ever work for anyone? Its gross and desperate! (But, it actually probably does work for some, maybe?)
For now, we will cap off our guidance at 8 items. Take these little snippets of knowledge and update your damn profile if you are an offender or even one of them! Good luck out there Bumbler, you’re braving a world we absolutely cannot stand!